(dramatic music) (dramatic music) (hooves clattering) (dramatic music) >> Halt, halt!

Halt!

(gun fires) (dramatic music) >> You can't go in here.

>> I have to see the Mayor.

>> He's in a council meeting and he can't be disturbed.

>> I demand that you let me through.

I've ridden all night, 80 miles.

>> That's the orders.

>> Get out of my way.

>> Stop!

I said stop!

I said stop.

>> I must see the Mayor.

>> But the Mayor is in council meetings.

>> Let go of me.

You'll be sorry, I'm a relative of the Mayor's.

>> So am I, so is the whole council.

>> Where's the council room?

>> I won't talk.

>> Cousin Bryo, cousin Bryo.

>> Don't make so much noise, they're in a meeting, keep quiet.

>> What is this commotion?

Cousin Gregor.

>> cousin Bryo.

This is my cousin, the Mayor of Trebin.

>> I'm sorry uncle, this man he tried to.

>> Cousin Bryo terrible things have happened.

>> Come in here.

>> Cousin Gregor, what happened?

>> I've been riding all night.

It's a disaster.

I am ruined.

>> Come and sit down.

Fetch brandy and water.

>> No water.

>> No water.

Now what is it, what is it?

Come on, speak up, what's happened?

>> Like a clap of thunder, he appeared among us.

The postmaster was hanged, the chief of police was let off with 200 lashes.

I was sentenced to the firing squad.

Luckily my own fire made the rifles and they blew up, I escaped.

I need a fresh horse.

I must be off at once.

>> A fresh horse for our cousin.

Sit down, sit down.

>> But I must go.

Even now, he may be here in your midst.

>> Who?

>> Speak up man, who?

>> The Inspector General.

Yes, he has full power from the Emperor himself.

And where ever he finds bribery and corruption, there the gallows and firing squads go to work.

More!

>> What does he look like, this Inspector General?

>> Who knows?

A man of mystery.

Five days he was in our midst and no one even suspected it.

He went everywhere, saw everything and uncovered such corruption that even I was shocked.

>> Now don't get excited.

>> Don't get excited!

How I envy you, to sit here in your clean town and fear no one.

>> The horse is ready, Uncle Byro.

I must be off.

>> Oh Gregor, where will you go?

>> Away, far away anywhere, Africa, China.

Good-bye cousin Byro.

Farewell Uncle.

Goodbye, goodbye cousin.

>> Do you need any money?

>> You're very kind cousin Bryo.

>> I've got a few crowns.

>> Thank you.

Farewell.

(dramatic music) >> I would like to take this opportunity to tend to my resignation, effective-- >> Sit down!

What would you do?

Go back to rolling pills in that stink hole of a chemist shop, you poisoner?

>> Well I promised my wife that I'd.

>> I have to talk to my sister.

(people chattering) >> Stay where you are!

Nothing's to be gained by rushing around blindly.

We must proceed according to system.

You Lazlo, clean up the square.

See that all the public buildings are spotless.

Put patients in all the hospital beds.

>> Yes uncle Bryo.

>> You Telecki.

Get the children back into school.

Start teaching them something, anything.

>> Yes brother in law.

>> You two deliver the mail, all of it, whether you've read it or not.

>> I never read the mail.

>> Yes you did, don't you remember?

>> Quiet!

>> Goodbye your mayor.

>> Kovatch, come back here.

I want all roads policed day and night.

I want a report of everyone who's entered this town in the past 24 hours.

Check the tavern.

Investigate all strangers.

>> Well I.

>> And bring your reports to me personally, do you understand?

>> Yes, but first I would like to.

(smacks) >> First you will obey orders.

Now get out of here.

>> Thank you cousin.

(dramatic music) Order double guards at the city gates and patrol all roads to Brodny at once.

>> Uncle what happened?

>> At once!

>> Come with me.

>> Billy what goes with Uncle General?

>> Shut up I said come with me.

>> Anything wrong.

>> Be quiet.

(goat bleats) >> Be quiet you.

>> I shall investigate here.

You men go on to the next town.

(dog barks) >> Countrymen approach.

Step up, step up.

Come close to me for the greatest experience of your life.

You will tell your children and grandchildren about this.

First you will be entertained by the greatest musicians in the country direct from the court of the Emperor.

♪ Yakov's elixir the best that can be had ♪ >> Hey.

♪ Yakov's elixir is good for what is bad ♪ >> Hey.

♪ Try this elixir it's good to quench your thirst ♪ >> Hey ♪ Buy this elixir it's best for what is worst ♪ >> Hey.

(upbeat music) >> Now good people step close to my rostrum so that you may see all with your own eyes.

I Yakov Guli, positioned to Princes and crown heads come among you to exhibit absolutely free of charge the wonder of the world and parallel since the dawn of time.

Are you ready my friends?

The Egyptian marvel, the treasure of the Pharohs.

Behold!

(dramatic chord) Step right up people.

Examine, observe.

>> You there!

Who are you?

Let me see your peddlers card.

>> Here Captain.

Yakov Guli.

An honest professional man from Pribirk.

I have testimonials from the Emperor himself.

>> Never mind.

What about your friend there?

>> Who he?

(Yakov chuckles) Captain, don't run away, come back, come back.

This exhibit welcome any investigations.

Look my friends.

It lives, it breathes.

It laughs, it cries, it thinks.

Watch his left ear.

How much is 2 + 2?

Correct!

This is not just an old head.

This is Prince Ahmed of ancient Egypt.

Beheaded by the cruel Pharaoh, because of his forbidden love for the crown Princess.

And now my friends you ask yourselves, How has did this miracle survived for over 2000 years?

An excellent question.

Only this.

Yakov's Golden Elixir.

Look how his eyes plead with me to give him a dose of my elixir.

He fairly yearns for it's rich, smooth, goodness.

Here prince.

(man cries out) I am a simple man my friends.

I do not make extravagant claims for my medicine.

If a person is already dead, for instance.

there is only a slim chance that my medicine will do him any good.

But if only a spark of life remains Yakov's Golden elixir will fan it into a roaring fire of health.

(upbeat music) >> How can Yakov cheat those poor people like that?

>> Why what's the matter?

>> Well this is the furniture polish he sold yesterday.

>> Come on, hurry up.

He's almost through.

>> Yeah, all right here we go.

>> No, no you don't wear this.

>> Here is the testimonials from my grateful customers.

Yes, even from the great Napoleon himself, written on the battlefield of Austerlitz.

He gives the elixir full credit for the victory.

For years I've suffered terrible digestive depress.

However since taking Yakov's miraculous elixir, I no longer find it necessary to continuously hold my hand on my stomach.

Kindest personal regards Napoleon.

♪ Yakov's elixir drink it till you burst ♪ >> Hey.

♪ Yakov's elixir it's best for what is worst ♪ >> Hey.

>> But why do I tell you these things my friends when there is someone here?

A sufferer on whom I've looked with compassion when he lay on death's door.

Unable to move a muscle.

Paralyzed!

(dramatic chord) ♪ Friend are you aware ♪ ♪ That you are losing your hair ♪ (audience laughing) ♪ Do you need money ♪ ♪ Have you been on a diet ♪ ♪ Are you bothered by quiet ♪ >> Ey?

>> Quiet.

>> Ey?

>> Quiet!

>> Nice dance for that fellah.

(audience laughing) ♪ Do you get colds or prickly heat ♪ ♪ A burning brow and freezing feet ♪ ♪ A leaping pulse and jumping toes ♪ ♪ A falling arch a running nose ♪ ♪ Or hiccups ♪ ♪ Do you get Hiccups ♪ ♪ A touch of laryngitis, panangiitis, asthma ♪ ♪ Or appendicitis or hiccups or hiccups ♪ ♪ Or measles have you had a diagnosis ♪ ♪ Of sorosis by osmosis with pneumono nucleosis ♪ ♪ plus ferosis, plus phytosis ♪ ♪ Plus mono gnosis and psychosis ♪ (dramatic music) >> Have you ever been short of breath?

♪ Well cheer up, cheer up, cheer up, cheer up ♪ ♪ No matter how bad your condition ♪ ♪ I have news that will tickle your ears ♪ (man giggles) ♪ I was dead.

♪ >> All: Dead?

>> Well, pretty sick.

♪ Til I saw a famous physician ♪ ♪ Who hadn't seen a patient in years.

♪ >> He was near-sighted.

♪ He said hello young man you ♪ ♪ are possibly the plumber ♪ >> I'm a patient Dr. Hummer.

♪ Dr. Hummer said, hm.

♪ (man humming) ♪ Dr. Hummer said hm, better see Dr. Cinger.

♪ ♪ Dr. Cinger said ah.

♪ (men humming) ♪ You have vitaminosis and valamadenesis ♪ ♪ Tell me something young man, you have had some diseases ♪ >> Have I had?

(man chuckles) ♪ When I was one I had a (dramatic chord) ♪ ♪ When I was two I had a (dramatic chord) ♪ ♪ When I was three I had (dramatic chord) ♪ ♪ By the time I was four (dramatic chord) ♪ ♪ When I was six I had a (dramatic chord) ♪ ♪ At seven I developed (dramatic chord) ♪ ♪ When I was eight I got a (dramatic chord) ♪ ♪ By the time I was nine ♪ (dramatic chords) >> Doctor why am I always so tired?

♪ Doctor Cinger said ah, uh huh ♪ >> And gave me the following prescription.

(man vocalizing) Zalaminhalticnol, twice a day.

♪ Since that day I haven't been sick sir ♪ ♪ That medicine did the trick sir ♪ ♪ And what was it, don't ask me ♪ ♪ I'll tell you ♪ ♪ Yakov's Golden elixir ♪ (dramatic music) (audience applauding) >> Well my friends.

Who will be the first to buy Yakov's elixir?

(audience yelling) It'll give you a new zest, new life, new enthusiasm, what is it mother?

>> I have 12 pennies.

My husband is sick.

If he had your medicine, maybe he will get well.

>> Yeah, go away please.

>> Woman: Please have your medicine, may he get well?

>> One, one bottle right here, we need to take one bottle.

No, no, please, no mother.

Take a bottle?

>> Sell it to her.

>> No, I can't.

>> Work the other side.

>> Why, I did very well I sold three.

(whacks) (man cries out) >> Here you are mother, bless you.

Whatever's wrong with your husband, he is now cured.

All right ladies and gentlemen, here it is.

The most wonderful, the most miraculous all cure.

The Golden elixir.

>> Mother, mother, here are your pennies, give me back that medicine.

>> No!

>> Mother the medicine is no good.

>> It's for my husband.

He needs it, he's sick.

>> I know and this will finish him off.

Here, take the pennies and buy milk.

It will do much more good than the medicine.

The medicine is no good.

>> You said.

>> Don't you remember me?

I'm the fellow with all the diseases and everything, but there is nothing wrong with me.

This medicine is a fake, I'm a fake, Yakov's is a fake.

This is no good.

I tell you mother, we are cheating all the people, don't you see?

We wash windows with it, furniture polish.

All the people.

Pardon me.

All the people back there have-- (dramatic chord) (cries out) Yakov!

(dramatic music) (water splashing) Yakov!

Yakov!

>> Georgi.

Georgi!

>> Yakov, Yakov!

>> Yakov!

>> Georgi!

(water splashing) (dramatic music) >> Why you.

(spits) (Georgi crying out) >> Look Yakov, a fish.

Fish Yakov, we can have supper now.

Put it near the flame.

It's my fish Yakov.

>> It's mine now.

>> I know but I caught it.

>> I took it.

When you've learned a little more about taking and a less about giving, you can come back.

Get out.

>> Oh look Yakov I'm sorry about that poor old woman.

She only had 12 pennies, and I couldn't-- >> An old crow blinks at him and he turn to putt cheese.

>> I couldn't help it, I.

>> In this life it's dog eat dog.

>> Right.

>> Bite and scratch.

>> That's right Yakov.

>> Grab everything for yourself and hold on like a leech.

Why you can't even pick a pocket.

>> Yes I can so to do it.

I'm a good thief Yakov.

Even better than you, see?

>> That's my watch.

When did you get it?

>> In the water.

Please Yakov don't send me away.

I'll do anything you want.

I'll be hard as nails.

my heart will turn to stone.

Please Yakov, I'll steal my own mother's teeth.

>> I'll believe it when I see it, get out.

>> What?

>> Get out.

>> Oh all right, I'll go.

Right after supper.

>> You get out of here.

>> But that's my fish.

>> I took it, and I am throwing you out.

Why you illiterate numbskull you.

>> I'm not illiterate!

>> You're not huh?

All right, read that.

Come on read it.

>> Read it?

>> Read it!

>> Read it.

>> Read it.

>> Read it yes, read it.

But who can read on am empty stomach?

>> Read it and I'll give you supper.

>> You will?

Oh well that's different.

It's say ah, ah.

Oh this is very interesting.

Your handwriting shows definite character, it shows your generous and wouldn't refuse food to a hungry man.

>> Read it.

>> Read it.

It says, dear sir.

>> It says, to whom it may concern.

>> That's right, I was testing you.

>> You were testing me huh?

>> Yes tested you had read it.

(mumbling) Best personal regards, Napoleon.

You see, there you are.

Well maybe I can't read or write, but I'm not illiterate.

>> You're nothing just a mill stone, get out of here.

Get out.

>> Bye Yakov.

Bye.

(dramatic music) To whom it may concern.

What a silly way to start a letter.

(dramatic music) To whom it may concern.

What a silly way to start a letter.

(dramatic music) ♪ The sailor loves the sea when the wind blows fair ♪ ♪ The Arab loves the desert and the sand which is there ♪ ♪ The farmer, sandwiches.

♪ (hooves clattering) (dramatic music) >> Go get it.

>> Oh, just the bottom of the barrel.

What do you want?

>> I thought perhaps you men wouldn't mind sharing a little of your food with a-- >> On your way you tramp.

We hardly got enough for ourselves.

Go on, get on your way.

>> Well you just gave a little piece to the dog.

>> The dog does something for his food.

Now what'd I tell you, go on.

Go away.

(dog barks) (Georgi barks) >> Man: Oh he's loony.

>> If I could just have a little piece.

>> Wait a minute.

Otto, come here.

Roll over.

Can you do that?

>> It's that good?

>> Can you do that?

>> Could I have a little piece?

>> Go away, can you do that?

>> Roll over?

>> Let's see you do it, go on.

Hurry up.

Quick lie down, lie down.

(men laughing) Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I bet he can run faster than you can.

(dramatic music) (men laughing) (dramatic music) >> No, no thanks Otto.

You won it fair and square.

A bargain's a bargain.

(dramatic music) (horse whines) (dramatic music) Any good?

Well would you mind if I just taste a few?

I haven't had anything to eat in a couple of days.

I appreciate this.

Thank you very much.

(dramatic music) (cart clattering) >> Don't put that heavy stuff on top of the crystal.

Where's the wagon?

>> Oh now please go back.

>> Stop thief!

Go get him.

>> Stop that thief.

Is there somebody over there that can stop that thief?

>> I caught you, you thief!

>> Who, who me?

Oh no, you have the wrong person.

>> The wrong man?

>> Yes, the horse followed me ask him, I'm innocent.

>> Innocent, good then you'll hang with a clear conscience.

Take him to jail.

Take him away.

>> Hold it, hold it stop.

I'm innocent.

Ask the horse, I'm innocent.

Hold it, stop!

I'm innocent.

>> Gentlemen.

To business.

Gizzy or is it Izzy?

>> He's Gizzy uncle, I'm Izzy.

You can always tell by the strawberry mark.

>> Never mind.

The hospital, have you cleaned it up?

>> We cleaned off the floors, we put sheets on the bed and got the goats out of surgery.

And I put charts on each of the patients beds, indicating the nature of their illness.

>> Good, at least now they'll know what they die from.

Kovatch.

>> Well, I've patrolled all the roads leading to and from Brodny.

So unless the Inspector General disguises himself as a bird and decides to fly into the city, he'll never get past me.

>> Good.

And the jail?

>> I've had new locks fitted to all the cells, burnt the rubbish.

I even have a prisoner.

>> Uncle: Good, who is he?

>> Oh I don't know, just a tramp.

I apprehended him in the city square.

He was trying to make off with a horse and wagon, the one we were loading with silver.

>> My silver?

My valuables?

>> Well yes, but I got him before he.

>> Who is he?

Where did he come from?

>> Oh I don't I never saw him before.

He's just a common tramp.

Dressed in rags.

(tense music) >> You idiot.

Did you cite him, question him?

>> Well it was so near lunch time and he was just a common tramp.

The Inspector General?

Well that's ridiculous.

>> Why not a tramp?

In Falsburg he appeared as a traveling shoe maker.

In Clamatti he was disguised as a peddler.

And here, why not a tramp?

My horse and wagon, my horse and wagon.

The wagon I loaded with valuables to ship out of town.

>> Yes sir.

>> Of course, the evidence he needed.

Now he knows.

>> I would like to take this opportunity to tender my resignation.

>> My chain of office to the jail.

(dramatic music) (chicken crying) >> Want some water?

>> Water?

I want some food.

>> I'm sorry.

The prisoners are fed promptly at 3 o'clock.

>> I guess I can hold out til then.

>> Wednesday and Saturday.

>> Wednesday, but today is Thursday.

>> When it's time.

>> Look I haven't eaten in two days.

What kind of jail is this where they won't even give a man a crust of bread.

All I want is a little piece of food, a little.

>> This is a nice jail.

Really it is.

We've had some wonderful hangings here.

>> Oh that's very nice.

What's wonderful about a hanging?

>> Oh, you should see the ceremony.

And the last meal.

>> The last meal?

>> Yes.

>> Can you order anything you like?

>> Anything.

The town of Brodny may have its faults, but they certainly do it right when they hang a man.

>> They do?

>> The Mayor and all the commissionaires come dressed in their finest clothes.

And the town band assemblies at the door of the jail.

Such beautiful music.

>> It is?

>> And they play the prisoner right up to the gallows.

I'll never forget one hanging we had a few years ago.

>> What's that?

>> Guard: What's what?

(upbeat music) >> What's that music?

(upbeat music) >> What were you arrested for?

>> Nothing, I'm innocent.

The horse followed me and all.

>> The commissionaires and everybody, and they brought the band.

>> The band?

Who are they going to hang?

>> There's only one prisoner here.

>> Well, if he doesn't finish his last meal.

Help!

>> No, no.

>> Help, help!

>> Easy, easy.

>> Help!

You let me out of here, you let me out of this jail, do you hear, or I'll go right to the Emperor.

Help, help!

What a fine crooked village this must be.

The thieves you must have here.

Let me out!

Help!

Help!

>> A common tramp eh?

>> Georgi: Why did they put me in this jail?

Help!

>> Open that gate, open the gate.

>> No trial, no justice.

I will report this to the Emperor.

This is a crooked village, this is.

Don't anybody come near me, don't you come near me.

If any of you come near me.

I demand to be released.

(men yelling) >> I'm mayor, if you've been put to any inconvenience, I assure you that my colleagues and myself are extremely distressed.

This is just a small community.

Not rich or powerful.

(dramatic music) But citizens or travelers, be they humbled or exalted to the highest degree of nobility.

Be they vagrants or inspector generals appointed by the Emperor.

In our village they find courtesy, honor and strict adherence to the principals of justice.

Command us your excellency and we will obey.

(dramatic music) Believe me your Highness, I understand and value your desire to remain incognito.

Permit me to compliment you on your amazing disguise.

It's most convincing.

In a corrupt city, with dishonest officials, such a strategy would be most effective.

But here in our fair village of Brodny, we beg you to accept our hospitality.

Why don't we discuss the entire situation at dinner.

Burbis, go to my house and tell my wife we have an honored guest.

Tell her to make a feast, a banquet.

Your excellency, how can we talk in these sordid surroundings?

At my home, dinner will be just about ready.

A roast, a turkey, several kinds of game, a rack of lamb and a magnificent pot-roast.

You will probably want a change of clothes.

Quick, some suitable clothing for his excellency.

>> Where will I get the clothing?

>> Your uniform, take it off.

>> Now?

>> Now.

Your excellency.

>> Yes, yes?

>> Our chief of police regrets his mistake.

He will be delighted for you to wear his uniform until your luggage arrives.

Kovatch will be honored.

>> Burbis he's tall isn't he, I know he is.

Is he going to stay long?

>> I hope not.

>> What's taking you so long, hurry.

>> But I can't get it, it's too tight.

>> Too tight indeed, I wonder if the Inspector General will think it's too tight?

Tell me did you notice the color of his eyes?

>> Are they blue?

>> Yes.

>> Are the brown?

>> Yes.

>> Are they black?

>> Yes.

What are you staring at stupid?

Get busy and set the table.

And you two, listen.

When you serve, see that your hands are clean.

And you Bela, you remove the dishes when I ring.

And you Ladislaus, you bring on the fresh course and move quickly and see that you don't spill anything on our guests.

Did you hear me?

What did I say?

>> I take a bowl of fruits.

>> Woman: When?

>> When you ring the bell.

(bangs) >> All right Liza you help serve the wine and do anything else you can to make yourself useful.

Come Burbis.

Put on a clean apron.

Did he say anything about Paris?

Or Budapest, or Vienna?

>> That dress was too tight.

So tight, it made her eyes pop out.

(dramatic music) >> This is my humble home, your excellency.

It isn't large, but I've only a small pittance of a salary.

Please enter.

(upbeat music) Maria, my jewel.

Maria.

Maria.

You're excellency, this is my wife, Maria.

His excellency, The Inspector General.

>> It's a great privilege your excellency, may your visit here be pleasurable pleasure.

>> Welcome your majesty.

>> Your hat your excellency.

And your sword.

>> Oh Bela.

>> Man: Your excellency, my wife Catherine.

>> Lazlo.

We must get rid of him.

I'll give him plenty of brandy, anything to stop the inspection.

You get the glasses.

A toast your excellency.

Something to prepare your palate.

>> A toast to his excellency.

I'll see about the dinner.

>> Dinner?

(people chattering) (upbeat music) (people chattering) >> My friends a toast to his excellency.

>> All: Long live his excellency.

(upbeat music) Lazlo, quickly, the wine, the brandy, quickly.

Come on, please, please.

Quickly.

More brandy Bela.

Now your excellency, how charming it is for us to have.

May I present Mrs. Burbis your excellency.

She's the wife of our tax collector and chemist.

Here we are.

Your excellency, a little more wine.

And a toast to His Majesty, The Emperor.

>> All: Long live The Emperor.

(Georgi cries out) (dramatic chord) (glass shattering) >> This is Izzick and his twin brother Gizzick.

They're in charge of our postal department.

The Inspector General Izzick.

>> I'm not Izzick.

>> He's Gizzick.

>> It's very easy to tell by the strawberry mark.

>> No, no, no, some other time.

One more aperitif just before dinner.

>> Dinner is served.

>> Ah dinner is served.

One last drink your excellency.

A toast, here's to the righteous.

>> All: To the righteous.

>> Here's to the evil-doer.

(glass shattering) (dramatic music) (bell rings) (people chattering) >> I suppose after Paris and Budapest, your journey here must be very distasteful.

And what do you think of Switzerland?

I have relatives there in Bal, the Berghoffs.

Did you ever run across them?

>> Your uniform is beautiful, my husband has one just like it.

>> I do hope you're not disappointed in the simple fair we serve here.

>> Ladies and gentlemen!

I would like to propose a toast.

To the fairest city in all the land.

To the home of courage, integrity and honesty.

To Brodny.

>> All: To Brodny.

>> (speaking foreign language).

>> Even if I'd had time to prepare the proper kind of dinner, I don't suppose your excellency would have found it comparable to the sumptuous table they set at The Emperor's Palace.

Of course I do wish Bryo had given me a little more time.

You know.

(Maria screams) >> Maria!

His excellency's glass is empty.

>> Liza wine for his excellency.

Quickly, quickly.

>> Yes ma'am.

>> After you've eaten, perhaps you'll tell me about your life in Vienna?

(Bela cries out) >> I'm so sorry your excellency, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to.

>> It's all right, it was just an accident.

>> Why you clumsy drudge.

>> Oh it was nothing, just merely an accident.

I always spill wine all over my suit.

Really, she didn't mean it.

It was just an accident.

Water is very good for wool.

Just that she didn't mean it, it was just an accident.

She really didn't.

>> Ladislaus, bring on the meat course this second.

Bela the meat courses.

Bring on the meat courses secondly, quickly.

>> Pardon me.

>> Tell me, is it true about the women in Paris?

You know I heard that.

(Maria laughs) >> Would you pass that down?

(people chattering) (light hearted music) >> Is there something wrong your excellency?

>> Oh try this your excellency.

I always carry it with me, it'll cure anything.

(dramatic music) (light hearted music) >> Good morning your excellency.

I thought you would like a glass of milk before breakfast.

>> How did I get here?

>> We carried you up after dinner, your excellency.

We undressed you and.

>> We?

>> And you were in a very playful mood, your excellency.

(Maria chuckles) What a naughty Inspector General.

>> What?

>> Maria.

All right, all right.

Good morning Your Excellency.

May I express the hope that you spent a comfortable night?

>> What time is it?

>> It's just past nine.

But you've ample time for a substantial breakfast before you start your tour of inspections.

>> Inspections?

>> Yes our program is 11 am, reception at the town hall, inspection of the of the Guard of Honor and the band concert.

At 11:30 a parade to the jail and 12:15 a public hanging.

>> Hanging?

>> Followed by lunch.

>> This hanging?

It isn't anyone I know, is it?

>> Oh it's just some rascal our elite police arrested.

The rouge was impersonating a police office.

>> Impersonating?

>> Yes, he made off with a sack of apples from a local fruit merchant.

>> Yes, impersonating an officer.

Hanging is much too good for him.

>> Of course, now I realize that your excellency wants to continue his journey as soon as possible.

>> Yes, I must go immediately.

I've, no receptions.

>> Why Your Excellency I'm broken hearted.

I was looking forward to you inspecting our little village.

>> Yes, it's a wonderful village.

Finest village I've ever seen but I.

>> Would you be kind enough to say so in your official report?

>> Yes, yes of course, but I must get dressed.

>> Yes, yes of course.

Assemble the villagers and the band to speed his excellency on his way.

>> Where are my clothes?

>> Clothes, Kovatch!

The uniform.

>> Well it's badly stained, I was having it cleaned.

>> Well then a fresh uniform for his excellency.

>> Yes but where will I get one for his excellency?

>> Yours will do.

>> This is brand new, this wouldn't fit his excellency.

>> Izzick, Gizzick, take care of this.

They used to be tailors your excellency.

They will rectify that.

A perfect fit for his excellency in a half an hour.

(people chattering) (dramatic music) (audience cheering) (dramatic music) (audience cheering) (dramatic music) >> You see your excellency, even in the short time you've been here, you've captured the hearts of our people.

What a pity you have to leave.

>> Well I thought I might be coming back again soon.

>> No, no don't change your plans on our account.

Quick, his excellency's horse.

The Inspector General's horse.

(dramatic music) >> Thank you, I'll send the horse back as soon as possible.

>> No, no keep it.

Help his excellency to mount.

(Georgi thuds) (people chattering) >> Oh your excellency, great star of wisdom.

>> Yakov.

>> Exulted one, do not be angry with your devoted servants.

I've hunted for you everywhere.

Forgive me great master.

Forgive me.

Bestow mercy on your unworthy servant.

Forgive me you numbskull, or I'll break you in half.

Oh be generous.

>> It's all right Yakov.

>> I am the lowly servant of His Great Lord, The Inspector General.

Due to my negligence, we were separated on the road.

>> I was just leaving.

>> Oh I must speak to you first master.

The Emperor has sent you confidential instructions.

A secret message.

>> But he was just leaving.

>> The Inspector General will decide that for himself.

>> What are you doing?

Yakov, I'll never be able to get out.

Yakov why did you stop me?

I had a chance to get away and now they may hang me.

>> Be quiet you idiot.

Why should they hang The Inspector General?

Get out of state.

They lay the whole town at your feet.

>> I don't want the town, I've got everything I want, I just wanna get out of here.

>> Wait a minute, you've got everything you want?

What have you got?

>> I didn't let anything slip through my fingers.

>> What have you got?

>> I didn't let anything slip through my hands.

Bite and scratch, steal and take, dog eat dog see.

>> Spoons, three spoons?

And these fat thieves are loaded with gold.

>> But Yakov you don't understand.

We can sell the spoons, buy a new wagon and leave this town.

>> All right, go on run away.

I was right in the first place.

You haven't got an honest bone in your body.

>> Honest?

Wait a minute Yakov, I don't understand.

Only a few days ago you kicked me out because you said I wasn't a good thief.

>> I kicked you out?

>> Yes.

>> I tear my heart into little bits, you ride with me for company, and this is the thanks I get?

For once in your miserable life you have a chance really do some good.

To act out the part, so what happens?

You want to run like a rabbit to save your own shabby skin.

Never a thought of the people in the village.

Nothing but selfishness.

>> Now wait a minute.

>> I crawled through every corner of this village.

Georgi, what misery exists here.

The Mayor and his officials tax the very life out of this town.

And not content with that, they steal.

35,000 crowns they collected from the little children and their poor parents to buy a pipe organ for the church.

And they trump up a cock and bull story that the organ was destroyed but I know that they sold it in another town.

>> No.

>> Now by tonight we can make them pay 35,000 crowns for protection.

Then I buy back the organ, you present it to the town and we expose these rascals.

May I become a wandering gypsy if I'm not telling the truth.

>> But you are a wandering gypsy.

>> That proves I'm telling the truth.

Now to work Georgi.

The most important thing is that you make them understand that you know how crooked you are.

They'll shower you with gold.

>> 35,000 crowns Yakov, do you think they'll give it to me just like that?

>> They will give you more.

It never fails.

It's even easier when you're an Inspector General.

>> I don't know how to be an Inspector General.

>> That's very simple, you have to behave like one.

>> But how?

>> Oh how, why, what.

Don't bother me with silly technicalities.

You're The Inspector General.

Be big, strong, firm.

(dramatic music) Gentlemen, I have good news for you.

The Inspector General has decided to remain indefinitely.

He demands an inspection of the financial affairs of Brodny and he will meet with you at the town hall at two o'clock.

(dramatic music) ♪ Big big be strong be firm says Yakov ♪ ♪ But if it doesn't work whose neck will they jerk ♪ ♪ Whose block will they knock off ♪ ♪ Not Yakov ♪ ♪ Be an Inspector General ♪ >> What does an Inspector General do?

Inspect Generals?

No.

♪ An Inspector General generally inspects that is ♪ ♪ They expect them to inspect generally ♪ ♪ If they're expecting a Inspector General ♪ ♪ But an exceptionally generous Inspector General ♪ ♪ Who made an exception ♪ ♪ And had no inspection would cause suspicion ♪ ♪ Which in my condition I couldn't accept ♪ >> Thank you.

♪ However if people aren't suspecting ♪ ♪ Now accept without detecting an imposter ♪ ♪ Who's not posted as a pedigree inspector ♪ ♪ Could this palpable imposter say a gypsy ♪ ♪ Or accoster could possibly get past them by his posture ♪ >> In two words, unlikely.

♪ So it is not a question of to flee or not to flee ♪ ♪ But to be or not to be.

♪ ♪ And if so how ♪ ♪ Should I be arrogant ♪ ♪ Should I be elegant ♪ ♪ Should I be smart ♪ ♪ A rolling Russian Czar ♪ ♪ Or very British impar ♪ ♪ Or like the KGV in knees, who already eats the cheese ♪ ♪ While he says no thank you please ♪ ♪ Be smart I must examine every side of me ♪ ♪ The long the narrow the wide of me ♪ ♪ The Dr. Jekyll and Hide of me ♪ ♪ If I value my anatomy the skinny and the fat of me ♪ ♪ How shall I start to play the part ♪ ♪ Should I be arrogant ♪ >> Up off your knees.

Stop licking my boots.

♪ Elegant ♪ >> Sugar?

>> A lump.

>> Lemon?

>> (speaking foreign language) >> Cream?

>> A dribble.

>> Tea?

>> Never touch it.

♪ Or smart ♪ >> If they don't know what they should know, they don't know what you would know.

♪ Arrogant, elegant, smart ♪ ♪ If you say so ♪ ♪ And it's not so ♪ ♪ So what so ♪ ♪ If you talk to them ya pa pa pa ♪ ♪ You only waste your breathe ♪ ♪ Laugh at them ♪ (Georgi laughs) ♪ They are you far beneath ♪ ♪ Talk and you show your ignorance ♪ ♪ Laugh and you show your teeth ♪ (Georgi chuckles) >> Gentlemen if you would just step aside for one moment I should be very happy to talk to this unfortunate wretch.

Thank you.

♪ The course of action you should act on ♪ ♪ That I'd actually planned is a smasher ♪ ♪ A lot of thought I put in it ♪ ♪ If you casually cover up your mouth with your hand ♪ ♪ You will never put your foot in it ♪ ♪ Never, never, never put your foot in it ♪ >> Really gentlemen, please.

♪ Sneak a sniff in of snuff ♪ ♪ Achoo, and solve your difficulties with ease ♪ ♪ Just stand around and wait for them to sneeze ♪ (Georgi vocalizes) (Georgi sneezes) ♪ And you'll see which way will blow the breeze ♪ ♪ Pay no attention to what he tells ♪ ♪ Do it my way, my way, my way, which way ♪ ♪ Talk and you'll show your ♪ ♪ If you put your hand in front of your mouth ♪ ♪ Wait till they sneeze to see how blows the breeze ♪ (all singing) ♪ Stop ♪ ♪ Please stop ♪ ♪ You're confusing me please stop, please stop, please stop ♪ ♪ It's plain to see ♪ ♪ You're so pleased with yourselves ♪ ♪ You don't care about me ♪ ♪ That isn't true.

♪ ♪ If we didn't care, would we talk this way ♪ ♪ Things are not as bad as they look gypsy boy ♪ ♪ No sir, they are much worse ♪ ♪ And remember a tear in the eye is worth two in the bush ♪ ♪ Yes sir ♪ ♪ Then how do I play the part ♪ ♪ Be arrogant, be elegant, be smart ♪ ♪ Be arrogant, be elegant, be smart ♪ ♪ With you I agree all three of me ♪ ♪ You need no longer linger ♪ ♪ I'll give them the fist ♪ ♪ Give them the fist ♪ ♪ Give them the wrist ♪ ♪ Give them the wrist ♪ ♪ Give them the finger ♪ ♪ Smart ♪ (dramatic music) >> To the Town Hall.

(dramatic music) (dramatic music) >> You'll find everything in order, your excellency.

(dramatic music) >> Just a moment!

What was that?

>> What was what?

>> I thought I saw something.

How do you account for this?

Well?

>> Well.

>> Yes?

>> Well?

>> There were no taxes that day, Excellency.

>> If you'll put your official signature to the books.

>> What is this?

>> It's the very best we have your excellency.

We're not a very rich community.

(suspenseful music) >> I think I'd better not sign this, until I've.

>> You can examine the books more closely at the house your excellency.

>> Yes, an excellency idea.

(dramatic music) We shall see, what we shall see.

(dramatic music) >> And all I saw was this medicine show.

The fat gypsy was selling this stuff and his partner had his head on a plate.

>> Yakov that solider.

(vocalizes) >> Who is that man?

>> That his excellency, The Inspector General.

(suspenseful music) >> Man: Ready and one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ready and one, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight, nine, ten.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ready and one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two.

Ready and one, two, one, two.

(dramatic music) (cries out) (dramatic music) >> One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ready and one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ready and one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Out of place, evens right face ho.

(dramatic music) (Georgi thuds) (dramatic music) >> Dear Yakov.

I can not stay any longer.

Love Georgi.

(dramatic music) Oh hi.

This is the kitchen isn't it?

Well you go right ahead, I'm just inspecting.

Yes.

Fine, just fine.

Now tell me, is there another way out?

>> Out?

>> O U F, out.

>> Oh you're not leaving your excellency?

>> Oh I have to I can't stay another minute.

There's another town I have to inspect.

Now, right now, people are waiting.

How do I get out?

>> I can't believe it.

>> You can't believe what?

You can't believe I have another town to inspect?

>> Well of course I do Your Highness.

Please don't be angry with me.

>> I wasn't angry.

>> You were so kind last night.

I thought you would stay.

And it gave me new hope.

Why the whole village is looking to you for help.

>> Yes, well I thought perhaps on my way back.

>> Oh Your Excellency such plundering and misery.

>> It's terrible.

But you should see this other town.

They need me very badly.

People are waiting, receptions.

>> I see.

>> I really mustn't disappoint them.

Well, I'd better be going.

I'm sorry you won't be more friendly.

>> Friendly?

Why should I be friendly?

I don't care if I hang for what I say I think.

You're as bad as the rest of them.

Worse, because you have the power to do good and you run away.

>> I'll stay.

I can get the organ back.

It didn't burn, I know where it is.

>> Then you do care about the people.

>> Of course I do.

>> The whole town will be so happy.

>> I want you to be happy Liza.

>> Well I don't count Your Excellency.

I'm just a kitchenmaid and I'll always be one.

>> But that's no way to look at life.

Things can change over night.

After all I wasn't born an Inspector General.

It just happened.

Come on smile.

(upbeat music) ♪ Reach for the moon and look for the golden rainbow ♪ ♪ You will find happy times ♪ ♪ You'll hear a tune that lives in the heart of a bluebird ♪ ♪ And you'll find happy times ♪ ♪ Though things look very dark ♪ ♪ Your dream is not in vain ♪ ♪ For when do you find a rainbow ♪ ♪ Only after rain ♪ ♪ So wish on the moon and someday it may be tomorrow ♪ ♪ You will suddenly hear chimes ♪ (cart clattering) ♪ And you'll find your happy happy times ♪ >> Ladislaus, Bela, see to the carriage.

Where is everybody?

Oh Your Excellency.

>> Madam.

>> Just look what I found in the Brodny library.

It's the new almanac of The Emperor's official staff.

>> Emperor's official staff?

>> Both histories of their families and portraits by celebrated artists.

>> The portraits are very bad, very bad.

You wouldn't recognize the one of me.

>> I thought women were only vain about their portraits.

>> No.

>> Now I've got to see how bad they've made you look.

You know you've never even told me your name.

Doesn't matter, doesn't matter.

I'll soon recognize you and find out all about you and your beautiful wife and lovely children.

>> I have no wife.

None of my family had wives.

My father didn't like wives.

I mean my mother didn't like my father's wives.

May I have this book?

>> This looks a lot like you, but older of course.

Is it a relative of yours?

>> Yes, it's my father.

>> Your father?

Madame Knabe?

Married with Peter Knabe, age 46 years old and mother of 12 boys.

>> That was a disguise.

My father was a spy in the war.

He always used to disguise himself as my mother.

>> Your father?

>> No, no my mother.

I was 19 before I could tell them apart.

>> Knabe, is that your family name?

>> Yes, Farple Knabe.

>> Farple, what an unusual name.

>> Isn't it?

>> Sounds like a morning breeze, rustling through the leaves of the willows.

What does it mean?

>> Some kind of soup, I think.

>> Yes, where were you born?

>> Well let me have the book and I'll tell you all about it.

>> You will?

>> Yes, some night when we're alone, perhaps tonight.

>> I want to hear everything Farple.

You don't know how I yearn to live.

What it means to be married to a man who doesn't understand me.

He's a peasant, a course, uncultured, a pig of a man.

>> Really?

>> Yes, I was forced to marry him.

I'm an attractive woman, am I not?

>> Yes, but.

>> I'm still in the first bloom of my youth, am I not?

>> Yes but.

>> I am desirable am I not?

>> Yes but.

>> Could a man wish for a more lovely, intelligent, responsive woman than I am?

>> No.

>> Oh Farple, you say the most beautiful things.

>> I really must be going up stairs now.

>> You will help me Farple, won't you?

Promise.

>> Yes I promise.

>> When we get to Paris, I won't be a burden for you.

I swear.

(sword clatters) >> Forgive me.

May I have a word with Your Excellency?

>> What do you want?

>> I throw myself on your mercy.

Please Your Excellency, for the sake of my family.

>> What is it?

What have you done?

>> The tax records, it wasn't my idea to falsify them.

The Mayor, my own uncle and Telecki altered some bourbon for you.

Now I admit I take bribes, but what kind of bribes?

Puppy dogs, that's all just puppy dogs.

>> Puppy dogs?

>> Yes.

>> What kind of puppy dogs?

>> Oh all kinds.

>> I like puppy dogs.

>> You do?

>> You can have them your excellency.

Oh forgive me.

All 60 of them.

And here's a little gift just to show you how much I.

(door knocking) >> Your Excellency.

>> Who is it?

>> It is I, Telecki, super intendant of the school.

>> He mustn't find me here.

>> Oh he's just a member of the council.

(dramatic music) Come in.

>> Your Excellency, may I have a moment of your time.

I have something that may interest you, look.

You see I have the best interest of the state at heart, or I would never tell you this, understand?

>> Yes well come to the point Tacky.

>> Telecki.

>> Telecki.

>> Sometimes a man must decide between duty and friends and I feel it is my duty to advise you of the vice and corruption in the city of Brodny.

This isn't much, but if you will just accept it as a loan.

If you don't like.

(door knocks) >> Man: May I see you a moment Your Excellency?

It is Gizzick the postmaster.

>> Gizzick!

He hates me, if he should find me here.

(dramatic music) >> Not there.

Come in, come in.

>> I'm a poor man Your Excellency.

Please accept all this, it's all I have.

The temptation was too strong.

The others stole more than I did.

>> They did?

(door knocks) >> Who is that?

>> Come with me, you have to hide.

Get in the closet here.

(dramatic music) Come in.

>> Oh Inspector General.

>> Yes?

>> Your excellency, I want to speak to you, in fact I must speak to you.

My uniform looks very nice on you.

>> Thank you.

>> I'm having one made in black, with silver across here.

>> What is it Kovatch?

>> I guess I might as well make a clean breast of it.

>> Won't you sit down?

>> Yes, thank you.

You see it wasn't for me.

It was for my wife.

My wife is not a contented woman.

She wants clothing and money and jewels.

I love my family but I'd give my six kids to get rid of my wife.

So there's only 1,000 crowns here.

>> A 1,000 crowns?

>> If you just give me a chance to sell the jewels.

>> Won't you sit down?

(Gizzick crying out) (door knocking) In the bed, get in.

Come in.

>> Your Excellency.

>> What are you doing here?

I thought I just put you in the closet?

(dramatic music) Come in.

>> I didn't know you were resting Your Excellency.

>> I always rest, the doctor said it's good for my liver.

>> Maybe I'd better come back?

>> No, it's all right.

What is it you want?

>> I just wanted to make a confession.

>> I'll take it.

Well?

>> I'm as guilty as the rest of them.

Oh, I mustn't be found here, where do I hide?

On the bed!

>> No, no, no!

On top of the bed, on top of the bed.

(dramatic music) Come in.

>> You don't have to put on any act for me.

>> Has the message come yet from The Emperor?

>> What?

>> Go downstairs and see if my luggage has arrived.

>> What's the matter with you?

>> What's the weather outside like?

There's a lot of people hiding in there.

>> Hiding?

>> The councilmen came with bribes.

>> Bribes?

>> Bribes.

>> Money?

>> Money.

>> Money.

Where is it?

>> Why?

(door knocks) Come in.

Your Excellency, may I speak to you for a moment?

>> Yes of course.

>> Privately.

(fabric ripping) (bed thuds) >> Those traitors.

They all brought him money.

>> Man: Your wrong.

(men yelling) >> Oh Mayor and you too Chief of Police.

>> Bryo: Yes?

>> His Highness can not tolerate dishonesty.

>> No?

Then why did he accept the bribes?

>> A few measly crowns?

His Excellency has many private charities.

I can assure you that not a penny of that money will ever find its way into the pockets of The Inspector General.

>> What do you want us to do?

>> It's possible that, a bear possibility mind you, that few substantial contributions from you might.

>> How much?

>> Shall we say 100,000 crowns?

>> 100,000 crowns.

I'll be a pauper.

>> Very well keep your money.

You can jingle it in your pockets all the way up the steps to the gallows.

>> He wouldn't do anything like that.

>> He would, and he has.

But he might be inclined to show leniency if he can realize the charitable dream of his life.

A much needed addition of the Cathedral he built in Vienna.

A new church organ.

A fireproof organ.

>> Fireproof.

He knows.

>> He knows.

(dramatic music) >> We can get rid of him without leaving a trace and none of us will be involved.

>> Who will do it?

>> Viertel, the woodchopper.

>> Viertel the woodchopper.

>> He'll do as I tell him, he has to.

I can get him tonight, during the reception when all is confusion and noise.

>> But if something goes wrong?

>> Nothing will go wrong.

>> Are you sure?

>> Yes, after midnight, as soon as everyone's had plenty to drink, we'll get him into the barn where Viertel the woodchopper is waiting.

He will dispose of the body.

>> Good.

(dramatic music) >> What are you doing?

>> What, you think I want to steal it?

I want to count it.

>> Well I've already counted it.

>> You can't count.

>> Well, it's very heavy, there must be enough money here to buy back the organ.

>> All right, give it to me, I'll go get the organ.

>> Oh no, not without me!

>> Look, you can't leave here.

They need you for the reception.

>> Well then we'll go after the reception.

Look Yakov there's an old Hungarian proverb.

Trust everybody but keep the organ money in sight.

(door knocks) Come in.

(dramatic music) >> What is that?

>> It's just a letter.

>> What kind of letter?

>> Well a love letter I suppose.

>> Love letter, for you?

Let me see that.

>> No Yakov, it's private.

>> Oh let me see that.

Never mind.

>> No, no.

Yakov you might tear it.

>> Well?

>> Would you read it for me Yakov?

(dramatic chord) (Yakov chuckles) >> What, what, what?

>> Oh Georgi, you are such a lucky guy.

>> What is it?

>> That a beautiful girl like that would fall in love with you.

>> Well read it to me Yakov please.

>> My dearest darling Inspector General.

From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were the one.

At night I dream of your manly figure, and your handsome gentle features drive me mad with passionate love.

The sound of your voice thrills me beyond words, and if I can not have you for my very own, I will surely die.

>> Yakov.

Is there any more?

Does she say anything else?

>> Yes, P.S, please meet me in the barn at midnight.

>> Please meet me in the barn at midnight.

Yakov, what does P.S, mean?

>> P.S?

Please Sweetheart.

>> Please sweetheart meet me in the barn at midnight.

(gentle music) (upbeat music) >> I have the carriage waiting Farple.

>> The carriage?

>> Yes my things are all packed.

I'll meet you at the stable after the dance.

>> Well yeah but I.

>> Cousin Byro, cousin.

(upbeat music) >> I have the money.

Has he sent in his report?

Then I'll deliver them to him tonight.

>> Good.

>> We can't settle the matter in here.

>> Where would you suggest?

>> Outside, in the barn.

>> At midnight?

>> At midnight!

>> He'll be there.

>> I'll go and get ready.

I'll see you later Farple.

(upbeat music) >> I got your note.

You're wonderful, the barn?

The barn.

(upbeat music) >> Out of my way.

I am Colonel Franz Castine.

Comrade, life-long friend of his excellency, The Inspector General.

We were friends for many, many years.

Announce me at once young lady.

>> Yes Colonel.

>> Oh young man.

>> Problem with the eyes are there Colonel?

>> Yes, I was snow-blinded in the Alps with the Italian campaign with His Majesty, The Emperor.

>> The Emperor.

Long life to the superior majesty, the Emperor.

I'm so sorry.

>> You idiot, where are, you there you are.

You blithering idiot!

Now where are my glasses?

I am stone blind without my glasses.

(men chattering) Now don't step on them.

>> Yakov: No, I shan't (glasses shatters) Oh, I am so sorry.

>> You stupid fool!

Now look, I'll have to go and get another pair.

>> No, no now you just stay right there.

Hold on your excellency I shall make the announcement.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have the honor to announce the unexpected arrival of Colonel Franz Castine of The Emperor's Royal Guards.

Comrade in arms and life-long friend of his excellency, The Inspector General.

(audience cheering) The Colonel is quite near-sighted and has had the misfortune of breaking his glasses.

Imagine, he broke his glasses.

Oh no Colonel, you're kissing the wrong man.

This is The Inspector General.

>> Oh of course, how stupid of me.

Yes the Inspector General is really a much shorter man.

Leopold, this is indeed a joy, a joy.

I noticed that you shaved your mustache.

>> It used to tickle, not me that is.

>> It's all right, it's makes you look much younger.

And your voice seems to sound much more youthful.

>> Not always, I've had laryngitis.

>> My friend, this is the man, who single-handed, routed an entire regiment of the Italians at the battle of Lavengretto.

And then he pushed their own cannon into position and fired at the retreating enemy.

Do you remember that my boy?

>> It was nothing.

>> And Austerlitz?

>> I didn't do much.

>> He didn't do much, he just dove into a raging river and rescued 4 wounded soldiers.

And then on the way, he cut down ten Spaniards with his saber.

The morale was very low, but with his magnificent courage he plunged into the fray and led his men with a song.

The victory song of the 94th regiment.

♪ Onward onward never looking back ♪ >> How does it go Leopold?

>> He doesn't like to be reminded of that tragic day.

But he might be persuaded to sing something a little lighter, more gay.

>> In a little while.

>> Oh splendid, splendid then I can get my glasses from the inn.

>> Oh no sir, no sir.

Why don't you sing something now and honor the Colonel?

Sing you imbecile before he gets his glasses.

>> Could I borrow your drink for this song please?

And now, and now for my friend and comrade in arms I would like to do a gypsy drinking song.

(audience applauding) >> My wine, he took my wine.

>> There's plenty more.

>> But one swallow and he's, it'll be all over.

>> What are you trembling for?

>> The wine, it's deadly poison.

>> Who mixed it?

>> I mixed it.

>> You did it?

How very thoughtful of you.

All these years, I've misjudged you.

Poison for him.

>> No, no, no it was for me.

>> For you?

>> Yes, I couldn't stand it any longer, I even wrote a confession.

>> You what?

A confession.

Thank you.

(dramatic music) ♪ Whisky drew the whispering woods on a wild ♪ ♪ Romany pony ♪ ♪ With a yak yak yak yak ♪ ♪ And a yaks yak yak yak rides the gypsy ♪ ♪ The gypsy, the gypsy, the gypsy ♪ ♪ The world thinks him tipsy and careless and free ♪ ♪ But oh the poor gypsy ♪ ♪ His lot is not what it ought to be though ♪ ♪ Night and day and day and night ♪ ♪ There's a man sipping all day with a whip ♪ ♪ In his hand, over gypsy he stands ♪ ♪ And this is what he is saying ♪ ♪ Hum hum lay gypsy, sing gypsy, dance gypsy ♪ ♪ Laugh gypsy, cry gypsy, live gypsy, die gypsy, drink ♪ ♪ Gypsy drink to goodbyes and drink to hellos ♪ ♪ Drink to the open drink to the close ♪ ♪ Drink to me only with thine eyes ♪ ♪ And I will drink with my nose ♪ ♪ And so he drinks ♪ ♪ But first we sing ♪ >> How can you sing gypsy song without gypsy chorus So ladies and gentlemen, I ask you for a little favor, You help me we have a little chorus and sound beautiful, wonderful.

I will give you a little b.

You make for me zoom, all right?

Please, everybody.

>> All: Zoom.

>> That's very nice, but we get a little sharper, you know more in the mask and diaphragm.

(vocalizes) Alright re try.

>> All: Zoom.

>> Very nice, now short huh?

>> All: Zoom.

>> I like it, I like it.

Once more please now.

>> All: Zoom.

>> Very pretty.

This group here, I will make for you shtock, shtock.

Please?

Everybody understand, shtock, shtock alright.

>> All: Shtock, shtock.

>> Very nice, all right?

>> All: Shtock, shtock.

>> No I didn't make it yet!

Pardon me ladies and gentlemen.

please, small shtock, shtock.

>> All: Shtock, shtock.

>> Very nice.

>> All: Shtock, shtock.

>> That's so pretty.

Loud.

>> All: Shtock, shtock.

>> I'll be with you in two minutes.

Now this little group here, I would like you to make me a favor with all the little tiny pussy cats.

The sweet gentle little faces.

Make for me ha, ha, ha.

This way, all right, please everybody.

>> All: Ha, ha, ha.

>> Wonderful.

Now quick, pass rehearsal.

Everybody once again please.

>> All: Ha, ha, ha.

>> Very pretty.

I love you to pieces.

Please (singing in foreign language) ♪ Zoom ♪ (singing in foreign language) ♪ Shtock, shtock ♪ (singing in foreign language) ♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪ (singing in foreign language) (upbeat music) (singing in foreign language) >> You want something to drink, maybe?

>> No thank you Excellency.

♪ Lay gypsy, sing gypsy, dance gypsy ♪ ♪ Leap gypsy, drink gypsy, smile gypsy ♪ ♪ Sleep gypsy, drink gypsy ♪ ♪ And so we drink.

♪ (dramatic chord) >> But first we play.

(dramatic chord) (dramatic music) Pardon me, I slipped my bow.

My fingers need a raise.

(audience laughing) (dramatic music) (violin twinging) (audience laughing) (dramatic music) I like it.

Makes me cry.

(dramatic music) Who me?

♪ Play gypsy sing gypsy dance gypsy ♪ ♪ Smile gypsy wink gypsy blink gypsy ♪ ♪ Shrink gypsy drink gypsy ♪ >> And so we drink.

(dramatic chord) But first we dance.

(dramatic chord) (dramatic music) Pardon me.

(dramatic music) (Georgi cries out) (dramatic music) ♪ And so we drink to everything we love ♪ ♪ To everyone we admire ♪ ♪ To the girl who sets your heart a glow ♪ ♪ And sets your heart on fire ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ And so we drink ♪ (audience applauding) >> I like it.

(upbeat music) (door creaks) (clock chimes) Oh will you excuse me ladies, I have something.

>> I beg your pardon your excellency.

I hope you are enjoying the evening.

>> Yes, I ah, very much I really have to.

(upbeat music) Liza?

Liza, Liza?

(dramatic chord) Why you clumsy ox.

What's the matter with you, are you crazy?

You know you could have killed me with that.

Why do you have to work so late at night, anyway?

Whatever you have to chop can wait til morning can't it?

Now go on to bed.

Go on, I've got to meet somebody here.

Go, go on to bed.

>> Aren't you The Inspector General?

>> Yeah.

That doesn't mean I can't meet anybody here, does it?

>> No?

>> You don't believe it do you?

Read that!

>> Don't go near the barn.

>> Liza.

>> They're going to kill you.

>> Yeah, and only two hours ago she.

(dramatic chord) Would you read that again please.

>> It says don't go near the barn, they're going to kill you.

>> Yakov.

Yakov, my best friend.

(dramatic chord) (upbeat music) >> Where's your master?

>> My master?

(dramatic chord) Well?

>> How did it?

>> You know how.

Now gentlemen, let's get down to business.

For a price, I'll get rid of.

(spoon clangs) The evidence.

The money.

>> The money.

(suspenseful music) >> I don't think I want any supper.

>> Oh no.

(dramatic music) (Georgi groaning) >> Farple.

(dramatic music) >> Yakov.

What are you doing Yakov?

Where are you going?

>> Get away from me, giddy up, giddy up.

>> Oh your all right.

>> Liza.

(dramatic music) (whacking) >> Georgi, I'm your best friend.

(dramatic music) >> Where are we going?

>> To get the organ.

Make way for The Inspector General.

>> Man: Make way for The Inspector General!

>> Make way for the Inspector General.

>> What did he say?

>> It must have been an echo.

Giddy up!

>> Attention!

Announcing the Emissary of The Emperor.

General Leopold Nikolai Tarantino, his excellency, The Inspector General.

(people chattering) (dramatic music) >> He took bribes, he drank all my wine, he yelled out the windows, he even made love to my wife.

How could I doubt that he was an Inspector General.

I mean, he gave us no chance to think of deception Your Majesty, I mean your Excellency.

Isn't that right Gizzick?

>> I'm Izzick, he's Gizzick.

You can always tell by the strawberry mark on my leg.

Why it's as big as a.

(dramatic music) I'm Gizzick, he's Izzick.

>> Silence!

Excuse me Your Excellency.

>> First of all Mayor, I want that tramp.

Send out every man available.

>> Yes sir, your excellency.

>> Meanwhile, I will write out an order for his execution.

>> He will hang today your excellency, I promise you that.

Test the gallows.

>> I'm Izzick, then he is.

>> Silence!

(dramatic music) >> Citizens, here is the organ.

The one that was stolen.

We gave them money and then, now it's back.

I'll see you in a minute.

Here, take the organ to the church I'll be back in a minute.

Come on men, I may need you.

(dramatic music) Follow me.

Wait here.

Ten hut!

Oh, never mind that.

(dramatic chord) I'm glad I found all of you gentlemen together.

This town is going to be cleaned up from top to bottom.

>> This is The Inspector General?

>> Yes, Mr. Mayor, I would like you all to know that the corruption in this city is at an end.

I want a complete and honest report from you and a complete report of your tax records.

I want a report from you in the morning.

Who is this man?

Tell him to get out, this is official business.

Mr. Mayor!

In the name of The Emperor, I call upon you to produce all the tax records and books of this village immediately.

>> Your excellency will permit me to interrupt.

Let me show you this communication which has just arrived.

>> Silly girl.

And now to business.

>> You filthy bag of bones, this is The Inspector General.

>> How do you do?

We must have a long talk together sometime.

I want to look at all these books.

Inspector General?

>> Man: It's time.

>> Open up the cell.

>> Man: Yes your honor.

>> Inspector: Hurry man.

>> Man: Yes sir.

>> Guards.

Take them away.

>> Man: Two hangings at once.

>> You'll regret this you fat-faced village idiot!

>> How dare you?

>> Take your hands off me you misbegotten peasants.

>> Tie him up.

>> The Emperor will tear this stinking village down over your ears you thieving lard bucket.

Heads will roll here like marbles, and yours first.

And then this flea ridden sack of nothing, you call Inspector General.

>> He's insane.

>> This isn't The Inspector General, don't make me laugh.

>> Take him away, take him away.

>> The Great Emperor wouldn't appoint a thing like this, to a post of such importance.

This is your Inspector General here!

His courage, his manner, his bearing.

Gentlemen take your choice.

>> I don't know what to think.

>> You don't have to think.

If this man is The Inspector General, then were are his credentials?

>> Where are yours?

>> Show them the aristocracy, they have a right to see.

Come on and show them, show your credentials.

Show them.

Reveal them.

Here they are.

See?

>> Your excellency.

Kovatch.

(dramatic music) >> I would like to take this opportunity to tender my resignation.

>> I'm so sorry your excellency.

It was our mistake.

The imposter will hang!

>> This is preposterous!

>> If your excellency will be so good as to write out the death warrant.

>> Just one minute please >> Arrest that man.

>> I'm warning you, I'm warning all of you.

This will be reported to The Emperor.

>> Lock him up!

>> I can't do it.

>> Why not?

>> Well for one thing, I can't write.

I can't read either.

And even if I could write, I couldn't sign his death warrant.

I'm not The Inspector General.

>> He's just soft-hearted, here I'll sign it.

>> You can't do it.

You can't it's all over.

I couldn't sign this.

That man is completely innocent.

I only did it so I could get the money to buy the organ back.

>> Bryo: Lock them up, put them in chains, send them to the gallows.

Oh your excellency, I'm so sorry.

Why nothing like this has never happened in Brodny before.

But I assure you that they will go to the gallows, your excellency.

>> The gallows will wait its turn, but not now.

>> But your excellency.

>> This man will not hang.

First honest man I've met, since I left Budapest.

>> Whatever you say your excellency.

My chain of office your excellency.

>> We'll put something else around your neck.

>> Thank you your excellency.

>> With band music?

>> What did you say?

>> With band music?

>> With band music.

>> I couldn't take this your excellency.

I can't even read or write.

I have no education.

>> What you have is much better.

>> Please your excellency.

>> I present you with my medal and my sash.

(dramatic music) (dramatic music) Citizens of Brodny!

I have the honor to present to you, your new Mayor!

(upbeat music) (audience cheering) (dramatic music) (singing anthem) ♪ Brodny, Brodny to it we sing ♪ ♪ With hearts and heads held high ♪ ♪ Praise to Brodny to the sky ♪ ♪ Brodny to the sky ♪ ♪ Brodny to the sky ♪ ♪ Brodny to the sky ♪ ♪ Brodny to the sky ♪ >> To the sky ♪ Praise to Brody ♪ (dramatic music) (audience cheering)